S5 E1 | Why Do I Do What I Don’t Want To Do?

·43 min·3 clips

Joel reveals how sin knocks our heart pump off kilter, making us pour love onto ourselves instead of God.

This episode of Therapy and Theology features host Lisa Turkhurst alongside her teammates, Dr. Joel Muddamalle from Proverbs 31 Ministries and licensed professional counselor Jim Cress. They explore the common human struggle of acting against one's own better judgment, framed by the question "Why do I do what I don't want to do?" Joel confesses to habitually stopping at Taco Bell after basketball despite intending to go home, while Lisa shares her tendency to say "yes" to requests when her mind says "no." Jim describes his occasional reversion to an anxious attachment style, reacting instead of responding under stress. The hosts read listener examples, such as chronic lateness, managing others' emotions, and succumbing to familiar temptations. Joel explains the theological concept of *in curvatus in se*, a heart curved inward on itself, citing theologians like Martin Luther and James Smith. Lisa connects her people-pleasing to a fear that God will not provide tangible feelings of love and acceptance, leading her to seek them from others. Jim identifies a "scarcity mentality" in relationships and notes there is always a subconscious payoff for these behaviors, such as a feeling of control or comfort. The conversation shifts to the burden of internalized "shoulds," with Lisa and Maddie Vincent proposing the more empowering language of "I could" instead. Jim links "should" and "shame," defining the latter as "self-hatred at my expense." Joel discusses the Hebrew concept of the heart (*labe*) as the center for ordering intellect, emotion, and action, tying it to self-awareness. The hosts analyze the biblical story of the rich young ruler from Mark 10, interpreting Jesus's invitation to sell his possessions as an offer to surrender a crucial 20% blocking true freedom. Lisa warns against attaching ultimate hope and joy to worldly outcomes rather than to God. Jim suggests practical steps like journaling with pen and paper to increase self-awareness and identify internal blocks. Joel references Jesus's emotions in John 11 and Gethsemane as a model for processing feelings healthily. The tone is conversational, educational, and warmly supportive, blending personal confession with theological and therapeutic insights. Listeners interested in integrating Christian faith with psychological principles for personal growth would appreciate this episode. Those seeking highly structured, clinical therapy content or disagreeing with a faith-based approach might find it less engaging.

As heard by us

A grounded conversation about self-awareness, confession, boundaries, and the work of healing.

Lisa Turkhurst opens season five of Therapy and Theology with a clear focus on self-awareness, confession, and the habits that slow healing. The strongest moments stay close to ordinary life, especially when the conversation turns to saying no without overexplaining and choosing…

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When you need a Christian reset on self-awareness, boundaries, and the urge to overexplain.

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