The Heart · Kaitlin Prest

Suburban Paradise | All Kinds of Blue

March 18, 2026·18 min·1 clip

Kaitlin Prest reveals she's living in a coven in Roseneath, Ontario, during a World Series she suddenly cares about.

Caitlin Prest opens by orienting the listener in time and place: it is fall in Roseneath, Ontario, the Blue Jays are in the World Series, and she is staying with friends Becky and Emily in a stone farmhouse she calls 'the coven.' The property includes a flower farm, a shed of runner ducks, fiery autumn leaves, and a large Malamute named Maple. The episode's central segment is a diary entry written on a typewriter on October 26, 2025, presented unaltered. Caitlin frames the diary's conceit as telling the story of the outside rather than the inside. She describes the house's blue shutters and blue door, the sound of the baseball game drifting upstairs, and Emily's burgundy dress. A long, funny digression explores the unspoken social competition among femme women over who gets to be Sarah Jessica Parker's character in a Hocus Pocus group costume, with Caitlin admitting she was tensing up before Becky assigned her the role matter-of-factly. She then reflects that Emily, with her coy and flirtatious manner, is objectively the most suited to the role of the beautiful witch. The diary shifts into a third-person, almost cinematic voice, imagining what the house itself would write in its morning pages. This section describes a crescent moon over the flower beds, the first frost glittering on tangled vines, and secret garden pathways leading to the duck shed. The tone shifts abruptly when Maple the Malamute has a quiet seizure in the grass. Becky fills a syringe with Valium and administers it rectally while Emily holds the dog's head. Caitlin, described in the third person as 'brown curly topknot with flyaways,' stands on the steps in sympathy pain, searching her memory for whether she caused or could have prevented the episode. The diary then describes Caitlin's domestic tasks: scaring ducks back into their shed, hauling cat litter and duck feed, using a pressure hose to clean the yard. She notes she is finding more creative pride in cooking and cleaning than in her digital creative work, which involves frustrating file transfers between devices. She describes the blue desk in her room, decorated with orca paraphernalia and watercolor sketches for a film project belonging to Becky, which sits unattended while Becky tends to everyone else's demands. The L.A. Dodgers playing Kendrick Lamar's diss track against Drake in the stadium prompts a text to the group thread about the layered pop culture significance. The diary ends with a meditation on the color of the house's shutters and door, cycling through names like French blue, dusty blue, and gray periwinkle before landing on the paint name Plateau. A brief word-association chain — Plateau, Chateau, Lunger, Heart, Hurt, Lockjaw, TMJ — closes the written entry. Caitlin then plays thirty seconds of raw ambient sound recorded on the date of the diary entry. She closes the episode by asking listeners to donate, comparing the act to a monk bearing an alms bowl, and listing specific things the money would cover, including food, travel, a driver's license, a paintbrush, dinner with her parents, and a sauna. She reassures listeners that Maple is doing fine.

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