The Pickling Princess

·50 min·4 clips

Jackie's son Clyde marks his territory with poop in a bizarre dominance game.

This episode of The Bitch Bible features host Jackie Schimmel in a solo, stream-of-consciousness monologue as she prepares for her upcoming comedy tour. Schimmel, known for her unfiltered and chaotic comedic style, shares personal updates, family anecdotes, and her thoughts on various lifestyle topics. She opens by discussing her pre-tour anxiety about new, untested material she plans to perform for live audiences. She details an interactive segment for her tour called "With Hate, Jacqueline," where audience members will submit anonymous notes about things they hate into a bedazzled bowl for discussion. Schimmel recounts a story about her son, Clyde, who repeatedly placed his own feces on the exact spot where the family dog, Leo, had an accident. She describes her regimen of NAD injections and natural supplements prescribed by a holistic doctor who diagnosed her with black mold exposure. Schimmel explains she self-administered one injection behind a tree at a child's birthday party and another in a public restroom's handicap stall. A surprising claim is her assertion that she is six days sober from taking Unisom sleep aids. She expresses a strong hatred for certain modern light fixtures and defends a teacher accused of drinking in class and calling students "little shits." Schimmel reveals she is reluctantly considering joining a "sporty" country club with her husband, Andrew, despite her aversion to golf and country club culture. She states her tour packing color palette will be exclusively black, white, and butter yellow. Schimmel insists she was the original proponent of wearing little boys' Hanes tank tops as a fashion staple years before the trend appeared on TikTok. She updates a long-running saga about ordering large candle holders for her grandmother, Gloria, which involved a lengthy debate about preventing wax drips. The host celebrates the reported return of gladiator sandals, linking them to early-2000s celebrities like Nicole Richie. She reacts with shock and disapproval to Cardi B bringing a live, leashed crow to a Schiaparelli fashion show. The tone is intensely conversational, frantic, and confessional, blending personal vulnerability with hyperbolic, dark humor. Listeners who enjoy chaotic, unfiltered storytelling about parenting, personal neuroses, and pop culture through a darkly comedic lens will love this episode. Those who prefer structured interviews, calm discourse, or are sensitive to crude and confrontational humor might want to skip it.

As heard by us

A tour-week spiral where vanity, parenting, and panic collide.

With tour departure 48 hours away, the episode lands as a full-body spiral: a cheek wound from her son’s acrylic nail, worry about what footage is already out there, and the sense that every bright idea may also be slightly insane. Its appeal is in the specificity.

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Why you'd press play

When tour panic, cheek blood, and a bathroom injection all collide.

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