Help! I Have A Teenager · Mamamia Podcasts

The Psychology Of Mum Guilt & How To Fight It

April 4, 2024·17 min·1 clip

Ginny reveals how forcing her daughter through school torture still makes her sick with guilt years later.

This episode of "Help! I Have A Teenager" focuses on the psychology of mum guilt and offers strategies to manage it. Hosts Jo Lamble, a clinical psychologist, and Ginny Mansberg, a GP, draw from their professional and personal experiences as mothers. They address the common feeling among mothers that they are failing their children, especially during adolescence. The hosts begin by answering a listener question from Alice about her 15-year-old son who is prioritizing his first girlfriend over his friends. Lamble suggests Alice share in her son's excitement about the relationship to foster open communication. Mansberg relates to the anxiety but cautions against overemphasizing the importance of popularity to a teenager. They propose the son might be naturally drifting from his current friend group and that this situation is a normal life lesson. The conversation then shifts to the core topic of mum guilt, with Mansberg noting its pervasiveness compared to past generations. Lamble identifies the root cause as fear, which begins with the immense responsibility of a new baby. This fear leads to comparing one's child and parenting to others, resulting in self-judgment and guilt. A key insight is that guilt stems from an unrealistic desire for a child to have a perfect, challenge-free life. Lamble argues parents should instead focus on wanting their child to be generally happy and a good person. Mansberg highlights the critical lack of self-compassion, where mothers are often crueler to themselves than they would ever be to others. Practicing self-compassion is presented as a way to shed guilt and model healthy behavior for teenagers. Lamble reveals that teenagers frequently withhold information from their mothers not to be secretive, but to avoid upsetting them and triggering mum guilt. Mansberg shares a personal story of forcing her daughter, Jade, to complete high school due to statistical concerns about future success, despite her daughter's unhappiness. She expresses lasting remorse but is encouraged to apply self-compassion and acknowledge she acted on the best information she had at the time. The hosts conclude that guilt is paralyzing and unhelpful for both parent and child. The episode's tone is conversational, empathetic, and educational, blending listener advice with psychological explanations. This episode is ideal for mothers of teenagers who feel overwhelmed by self-doubt and are seeking reassurance and practical psychological perspectives. Listeners looking for a structured, debate-driven format or topics unrelated to parenting emotions might find it less engaging.

As heard by us

A calm, humane listen for parents whose guilt tends to spike when raising teens feels harder than it should.

This episode sits in the hard middle of parenting, where fear, comparison, and guilt keep feeding each other. Jo Lamble and Ginny Mansberg talk through how worry about children can turn into self blame, especially when parents assume everyone else is handling adolescence more…

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Why you'd press play

If mum guilt is running the show, start here.

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