Enneagram and Marriage · Christa Hardin, MA

Letting Go of Offense with Author Alexandra Hoover, Type 8 (8-8 Pairing)

·49 min·4 clips

Alexandra Hoover explains how she subconsciously picked up her mother's offense, shaping her entire worldview.

This episode features host Krista Hardin interviewing author Alexandra Hoover about her new book, "You Can Let Go," focusing on releasing offense in relationships. Hoover, an Enneagram Type 8, is in an 8-8 marriage with her husband, Mario, for nearly 17 years. The conversation explores the dynamics of their double-Eight pairing and the spiritual process of forgiveness. Hoover shares that she and her husband practice "extreme humility" and constant submission to avoid overpowering each other. They consciously frame themselves as a dynamic duo on the same team, which fosters safety for both. A key topic is differentiating between hurt, which happens to us, and offense, which we choose to pick up and carry. Hoover explains that offense acts as a stumbling block or trap that can manifest as bitterness, resentment, or insecurity. She reveals she subconsciously picked up her mother's offense, adopting her lens of pain and betrayal as her own worldview. The discussion references Lewis Smedes' quote that "to forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that the prisoner was you." Hoover describes how unaddressed wounds and offense can fester in the dark, while bringing them into the light is crucial for healing. She notes that offended people can become prideful, forgetting their own capacity to hurt others while demanding justice for themselves. For couples, Hoover emphasizes that vulnerability is built through years of practicing forgiveness and choosing to move closer when it feels safer to pull away. The tone is conversational, educational, and deeply personal, blending Enneagram insights with Christian spiritual guidance. Listeners interested in marriage dynamics, the Enneagram, and faith-based approaches to emotional healing would appreciate this episode. Those seeking purely psychological or secular relationship advice might find it less aligned with their preferences.

As heard by us

A clear look at borrowed hurt, inherited offense, and the work of setting it down.

Letting Go of Offense treats hurt as something people can carry for years, especially when a child picks up a parent's pain and starts reading the world through it.

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Why you'd press play

If someone else’s pain is shaping how you show up, start here.

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